Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
