She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
