i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
