At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
