I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
