rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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