I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
