Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
