Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
