There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
