Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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