btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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