Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
