I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
