A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
