Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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