her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just puked most of my soul out..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
