I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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