Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
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