In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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