I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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