eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
