u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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