I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I need moral support for this bender
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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