dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
