my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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