Got a toothbrush?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
