I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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