so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
