im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
