I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
