It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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