So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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