so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
two words...techno handjob
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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