Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My cat gives me a boner
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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