my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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