Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
