My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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