i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
