He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Two words: nipple clamps
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