So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
