Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
