i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
