You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
