I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
