i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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