Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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