okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
