He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
