Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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