when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
