3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
